MOST POPULAR JOKES
1. My dog is a nuisance. He chases everyone on a bicycle. What can I do? Take his bike away.

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2. When do kangaroos celebrate their birthdays? During Leap Year.

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3. The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

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4. What are the three fastest means of communication? Internet, telephone, telawoman.

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5. What kind of job is it easy to stick to? Working in a glue factory.

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TOTAL JOKES: 1,485

RANDOM JOKE MOST POPULAR JOKES JUST ADDED JOKES SUBMIT A JOKE

50 JUST ADDED JOKES
1. Why do birds fly south in winter? Because it's too far to walk.

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2. What's a robin? A bird that steals.

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3. Teacher: Who can tell me what an archeologist is? Tracey: It's someone whose career is in ruins.

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4. Name six things that contain milk. 6 cows.

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5. Teacher: What is the longest night of the year? Alex: A fortnight.

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6. Why are teachers jealous of driving instructors? Because driving instructors are allowed to belt their pupils.

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7. Why should a school not be near a chicken farm? To avoid the pupils overhearing fowl language.

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8. Did you hear about the posh school where all the pupils smelled? It was for filthy rich kids only.

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9. Why is school like a shower? One wrong turn and you're in hot water.

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10. Why is a classroom like an old car? Because it's full of nuts, and has a crank at the front.

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11. While someone isn't looking, place a small push pin hole in the side of their soda/pop/beer can just below where they drink. Every time they drink they will be dribbling on themselves.

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12. During sporting events, drink (or dump out) teammates sport drinks and refill their bottle with regular water, salt, and a few drops of food coloring to match the sport drink.

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13. Place cling-film over the toilet bowl (under the lid). Be very careful there are no creases.

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14. When is it that everyone is beautiful? In the dark.

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15. When is a black dog not a black dog? When he is a greyhound.

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16. What is the difference between influenza and a photocopier? One makes facsimiles, the other makes sick families.

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17. What goes up and down but never moves? A flight of stairs.

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18. Why do witches fly on broomsticks? It's better than walking.

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19. Why don't bananas snore? They don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.

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20. What did the pencil say to the eraser? Take me to your ruler.

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21. How do you keep a skunk from smelling? Hold his nose.

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22. Why are four-legged animals such poor dancers? Because they have two left feet.

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23. What is the difference between a man and a tired dog? One wears trousers, the other pants.

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24. When is it bad luck to have a big black cat follow you? When you are a little grey mouse.

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25. Why is a fast duck like a fast doctor? They're both quick-quacks.

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26. What kind of job is it easy to stick to? Working in a glue factory.

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27. When do mathematicians die? When their numbers are up.

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28. When did the criminal start to read? When the judge threw the book at him.

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29. What can be caught and heard but never seen? A remark.

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30. What kind of band doesn't make music? An elastic band.

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31. What do kangaroos have that no other animals have? Baby kangaroos.

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32. What kind of bow can't be tied? A rainbow.

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33. How much dirt is there in a hole exactly one metre deep and one metre across? None. A hole is empty.

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34. Why does a milking stool have only three legs? Because the cows got the udder.

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35. Why do golfers always carry two pairs of trousers with them? Just in case they had a hole in one.

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36. The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson. "Is the word spelt p-u-t or p-u-t-t?" she asked the instructor. "P-u-t-t is correct," he replied. "Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing."

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37. What is most like half an apple? The other half.

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38. How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they'd rather keep their clients in the dark.

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39. What do you call an honest lawyer? An oxymoron.

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40. What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A Doberman.

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41. What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline? You should take your work boots off before you jump on a trampoline.

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42. A lawyer with insomnia consulted her doctor. "Which side is it best to lie on?" she asked. "The side that pays your fee," replied the doctor.

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43. A man brings his wife a glass of water and two aspirins. She looks surprised and says, I don't have a headache!" - He says, "Aha!"

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44. I overheard a friend telling his pal, "I can't break my wife of the habit of staying up until 5 in the morning." - "What is she doing?", the pal asks. - "Waiting for me to get home."

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45. I've got trouble with the wife again - she came into the bar looking for me and I asked for her number.

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46. Marriage is a three ring circus: - Engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering.

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47. How much did the pirate pay for his peg-leg and hook? An arm and a leg.

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48. How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A Buck-an-ear!

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49. Why can’t pirates learn the alphabet? Because they insist there are 7 Cs.

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50. The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" - "Why?" - "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere."

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