1. The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson. "Is the word spelt p-u-t or p-u-t-t?" she asked the instructor. "P-u-t-t is correct," he replied. "Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing."

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2. What's the best way to hit a golf ball? With a golf club.

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3. Why do golfers always carry two pairs of trousers with them? Just in case they had a hole in one.

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