1. A man with a talking parrot is getting married. On the day of the wedding he says to the parrot "Now look here, I know you are always sat in that window sticking your beak in, when me and my new wife get back from the wedding I want you to turn round and and no matter what you hear I do not want you to turn back or Ill break your neck, do you understand?" The parrot reluctantly agrees.On returning from the wedding the parrot turns round as instructed, and behind him the bride and groom start to pack for the honeymoon. The wife however has packed too much and they cant get the case closed. "Get on top and sit on it baby!" Says the man the woman does so and grunts and moans but cant shut the case. "You get on top baby it might be better" Says the wife, so the man grunts and groans and tries his best but still cant shut the case.After a little thought the man says "Ok well both get on top see if thats any better!" The parrot turns round and says "Neck or no neck I have to see this!"

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2. David received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and terrible vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that werent expletives were, to say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the birds attitude. He was constantly saying polite words and playing soft music, he did anything he could think of. Nothing worked. When he yelled at the bird, the bird got worse. If he shook the bird, the bird got madder and ruder. Finally in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then suddenly, there was quiet. David was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto Davids extended arm and said: "Im sorry that I might have offended you with my language and actions, so I ask for your forgiven ess. I will try to correct my behavior." David was astounded at the birds change in attitude and was about to ask what had changed him when the parrot continued: "May I ask what the chicken did?"

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3. If ten birds were sitting on a bench and you shot one, how many would be left? None. They would all fly away.

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4. On which side does an eagle have the most feathers? The outside.

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5. Q: What is a crowbar?A: A place were crows go to get a drink!

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6. Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?A: To prove he wasnt chicken.

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7. Q: Why do hens lay eggs?A: If they dropped them, theyd break

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8. The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

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9. What game do mother hens play with their babies? Peck-a-boo.

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10. What kind of bird eats the same worm eight times? A swallow with the hiccups.

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11. What sort of breakfast do birds prefer? Shredded tweet.

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12. What's a robin? A bird that steals.

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13. Why do baby birds never smile? Would you smile if your mother fed you worms for dinner every night.

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14. Why do birds fly south in winter? Because it's to far to walk.

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15. Why do birds fly south in winter? Because it's too far to walk.

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16. Why do hummingbirds hum? Because they can''t remember the words.

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17. Why does the stork stand on one foot? Because if he lifted the other, he'd fall down.

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