1. A drunk stammers out of a bar and runs into two priests. He runs up to them and says, Im Jesus Christ. The first priest says, No, son, Im Jesus Christ. So the drunk says it to the second priest. The second priest replies, No, son, Im Jesus Christ. The drunk says, Look, I can prove it. and walks back into the bar with the priests. The bartender takes on look at the drunk and exclaims, Jesus Christ, youre here again?

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2. A man walks in to a bar and says to the bartenter " Give me twenty shots of your best singlemalt scotch quick!"] The bartender pours the shots, and the man drinks them as fast as he can. The bartender says " Wow. I never saw anybady drink that fast." The man says " well you would drink as fast as I do if you had what I have." The bartender says " Oh my god . what is it. what do you have?" The man looks at him and says " Fifty cents."

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3. One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian walked into a pub together. The proceeded to each buy a pint of Molson Canadian. Just as they were about to enjoy their beverage three flies landed in each of their pints. The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened. The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink and started shaking it over the pint, yelling... "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!"

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